Yesterday we had our first appointment with our Reproductive Endocrinologist. I wasn't too nervous about the appointment since I knew that we'd just be chatting and wouldn't be doing any testing but I was still anxious to get things going. When we got there we checked in and then sat in the waiting room. I love how awkward these situations can be and luckily Lenny has the same sense of humor. We spent the twenty minute wait commenting on the weird artwork in the lobby, the furniture and reading through scary pamphlets. One of them said something about how once you turn 30 you have less than 2% of your eggs left. Lenny looked at me and said, "How old are you again?" After calling him a jerk and laughing, the doctor came out to greet us.
The doctor was very friendly and nice but ran through everything super quickly. Luckily I have been reading a lot on infertility so I was familiar with the terms and tests that she mentioned. After going through our medical histories the doctor said that she would run a battery of tests on us first and then from there come up with a plan. She was very confident that I'd get pregnant, which was reassuring to both of us. We met with a nurse afterwards just to go over the tests that I'd have to take and to see if we had any questions. It was definitely overwhelming and I was happy that they gave us paperwork that went into more detail.
After the appointment we went out to lunch, which ended up being a great idea. It gave us time to discuss the serious stuff and laugh about the awkwardness of it all. I'd highly suggest having lunch or dinner after your first appointment with the RE-- it gives you something to look forward to and an opportunity to talk about things while they are still fresh in your mind.
Here are some things that I didn't know prior to the appointment. They had recommended that I get testing on Cycle Day 3 and 10, which seems to be pretty common from what I've read. My instructions were to call on the first day of my period and then from there they would give me additional instructions. Day 3 testing includes fasting lab work and day 10 includes lab work and an ultrasound.
If I knew this before hand I might have changed the date of my appointment a bit. It doesn't really matter but when we left we felt excited and empowered and now we just have to wait.... So if I had to redo it, I'd probably book the appointment a littler closer to when I'd be expecting my period.
The doctor gave me a list of vitamins to take- a multi, vitamin D, calcium, folic acid and fish oil. I had some of those but will order the fish oil online and plan to buy some calcium/vitamin D chews.
So that's it for now-- we are playing a waiting game but have to say that is feels AMAZING to not have to think or worry about getting pregnant this month. The doctor told me to throw away my thermometer and stop tracking my temperature. We are both excited to see what's next and we feel much better knowing that we are on our way to (hopefully) starting our family.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Tips For Dealing with Infertility I've Learned (So Far)
1. Banish the word "should" from your vocabulary. Stop thinking things like, "I should have had a baby by now," or "If that pregnancy had been successful, I should have a 3 month old right now." A lot of our grief comes from thinking about what might have been. As difficult as it is, you have to let go. This is the way that your life is and this is your journey. It may be much different than what you thought, but you can't change that.
2. Trust yourself. People are going to give you all sorts of advice, solicited or unsolicited. People will tell you what worked for them, their sister, their hairdresser, their friend's friend's ex sister in law. Remind yourself that they are giving you advice because they care. Then cover your ears (I'm only half serious). You know yourself and your marriage and your body better than anyone else. Do what feels right for you.
I was very interested in tracking my basal body temperature when I first started trying to conceive. I thought that it was interesting and I liked knowing what was going on with my body. My family members and friends thought that I was nuts, that I was stressing myself out. I heard over and over again that I should stop. I did for one month and you know what, it stressed me out. When I went to meet with my doctor yesterday I was able to provide over a years worth of data-- when I ovulated, when I didn't, what my cycles looked like etc. I had information, I knew my body and I felt in control. I was so incredibly thankful that I had listened to myself and tracked my information.
So no matter what people say, do what feels right for you and your family. Again, repeat after me, trust yourself.
3. Refocus your energy. Baby fever is real my friends. For the first few months of ttc I spent a lot of time online looking at maternity clothes and baby clothes and researching strollers. It felt good and exciting and new. About 10 months later it was just down right depressing. I decided to stop. Use this time to refocus your energy on something that doesn't involve waiting for 2 pink lines. Train for a 10K race, cook your way through your favorite cook book, host a dinner party, start a new workout program, create a list of books to read, etc. It feels good to have something else to think about and it keeps you from getting into a funk.
4. Live your life. This one ties in to #3 but expands on the idea that your life shouldn't be on pause. For a long time I lived that way. It felt like pregnancy was just around the corner. We didn't touch the extra bedroom (aka a storage room) because that was going to be the baby's room and there was no point in painting it twice. I didn't drink from about seven days after ovulation to when I got my period just in case I was pregnant. I didn't like to plan vacations because I thought, I might be pregnant. Eventually I realized that I was living like a hostage. My advice is to live your life. Go on vacation, go after that new job, train for that marathon and paint that extra bedroom. Keep your sanity girl and stop living on pause.
5. Reach out. Talk to people. Whether it's your sister, cousin, friend or anonymously in an online forum, talk about this experience. Fertility issues can be very isolating and it's easy to feel alone. Often I find that talking to someone else who is going through this makes me feel a million times better. I remember the day I found out that my hairdresser had been dealing with several miscarriages. She said, "It sucks." No truer words had ever been spoken.
6. Know someone dealing with fertility issues? I always think about this. What would I say to someone who is dealing with infertility. I find that I can never think of anything clever or meaningful or helpful. Because honestly, no words are. I always come back to the same fours words: I know this sucks. This is just from personal experience but hearing "it's going to be OK" or "It will all be fine" doesn't really help. I don't say this to be mean because I know that it must be weird and uncomfortable to offer words of comfort to someone dealing with a sucky situation. What does help? Acknowledgement that it's tough. Saying that you're there for them, no matter what they need. Go out to dinner with them, invite them over for a movie night. Also respect it if they don't want to talk about.
I have never been annoyed when someone asks how it's going. At least for me, it's something that I can always talk about. Most of the time I have to remind myself that normal people don't talk about ovulating and cervical mucous. I always appreciate an opportunity to vent a little.
Of course, everyone is different and sometimes you just have to put yourself out there. I do have one additional piece of advice. Don't ever tell someone that it will happen if they just relax or to go on a vacation. Ever. You've been warned...
Final words: Every person is different and every situation is different. What works for me may not work for you. The most important thing to remember is that you aren't alone. Fertility issues come with so many different emotions and it can be difficult to navigate. When things do get tough, go back to the basics. Do something that brings you joy whether it's painting or baking or taking the dogs for a walk. Sometimes we need a reminder that life is good and that even though we may be yearning to start a family, there is still plenty to be thankful in our lives.
2. Trust yourself. People are going to give you all sorts of advice, solicited or unsolicited. People will tell you what worked for them, their sister, their hairdresser, their friend's friend's ex sister in law. Remind yourself that they are giving you advice because they care. Then cover your ears (I'm only half serious). You know yourself and your marriage and your body better than anyone else. Do what feels right for you.
I was very interested in tracking my basal body temperature when I first started trying to conceive. I thought that it was interesting and I liked knowing what was going on with my body. My family members and friends thought that I was nuts, that I was stressing myself out. I heard over and over again that I should stop. I did for one month and you know what, it stressed me out. When I went to meet with my doctor yesterday I was able to provide over a years worth of data-- when I ovulated, when I didn't, what my cycles looked like etc. I had information, I knew my body and I felt in control. I was so incredibly thankful that I had listened to myself and tracked my information.
So no matter what people say, do what feels right for you and your family. Again, repeat after me, trust yourself.
3. Refocus your energy. Baby fever is real my friends. For the first few months of ttc I spent a lot of time online looking at maternity clothes and baby clothes and researching strollers. It felt good and exciting and new. About 10 months later it was just down right depressing. I decided to stop. Use this time to refocus your energy on something that doesn't involve waiting for 2 pink lines. Train for a 10K race, cook your way through your favorite cook book, host a dinner party, start a new workout program, create a list of books to read, etc. It feels good to have something else to think about and it keeps you from getting into a funk.
4. Live your life. This one ties in to #3 but expands on the idea that your life shouldn't be on pause. For a long time I lived that way. It felt like pregnancy was just around the corner. We didn't touch the extra bedroom (aka a storage room) because that was going to be the baby's room and there was no point in painting it twice. I didn't drink from about seven days after ovulation to when I got my period just in case I was pregnant. I didn't like to plan vacations because I thought, I might be pregnant. Eventually I realized that I was living like a hostage. My advice is to live your life. Go on vacation, go after that new job, train for that marathon and paint that extra bedroom. Keep your sanity girl and stop living on pause.
5. Reach out. Talk to people. Whether it's your sister, cousin, friend or anonymously in an online forum, talk about this experience. Fertility issues can be very isolating and it's easy to feel alone. Often I find that talking to someone else who is going through this makes me feel a million times better. I remember the day I found out that my hairdresser had been dealing with several miscarriages. She said, "It sucks." No truer words had ever been spoken.
6. Know someone dealing with fertility issues? I always think about this. What would I say to someone who is dealing with infertility. I find that I can never think of anything clever or meaningful or helpful. Because honestly, no words are. I always come back to the same fours words: I know this sucks. This is just from personal experience but hearing "it's going to be OK" or "It will all be fine" doesn't really help. I don't say this to be mean because I know that it must be weird and uncomfortable to offer words of comfort to someone dealing with a sucky situation. What does help? Acknowledgement that it's tough. Saying that you're there for them, no matter what they need. Go out to dinner with them, invite them over for a movie night. Also respect it if they don't want to talk about.
I have never been annoyed when someone asks how it's going. At least for me, it's something that I can always talk about. Most of the time I have to remind myself that normal people don't talk about ovulating and cervical mucous. I always appreciate an opportunity to vent a little.
Of course, everyone is different and sometimes you just have to put yourself out there. I do have one additional piece of advice. Don't ever tell someone that it will happen if they just relax or to go on a vacation. Ever. You've been warned...
Final words: Every person is different and every situation is different. What works for me may not work for you. The most important thing to remember is that you aren't alone. Fertility issues come with so many different emotions and it can be difficult to navigate. When things do get tough, go back to the basics. Do something that brings you joy whether it's painting or baking or taking the dogs for a walk. Sometimes we need a reminder that life is good and that even though we may be yearning to start a family, there is still plenty to be thankful in our lives.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Reality
For the last few months I've had a sneaking suspicion that for us, having a baby is just not going to be easy. I held on tight to the hope that maybe this will be IT. As every month would pass I could see the calendar pages flipping in my mind, slowly ticking the time away. I spoke to my doctor in September and she said, "If you aren't pregnant by November, make an appointment with me and we'll chat."
I remember feeling nervous and relieved. Relieved because we had a plan, but nervous because I didn't know what the future held. The morning that I called my doctor's office to make the appointment I had a moment. I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror, both hands planted firmly on the counter. I studied my face in the reflection and said out loud to myself and the universe, "I give up."
Those words set me free. I wasn't giving up on having a family, I was letting go. I was going to allow myself to take the next step. It was OK that maybe our journey was going to be different than we had planned.
Fast forward to this morning. My doctor's appointment was at 10:30AM and I was anxious. I started off the day on a healthy foot with a glass of water mixed with apple cider vinegar and a cup of green tea. I took another pregnancy test because man that would be a great story! After throwing out another negative pregnancy test, I started to get ready to leave the house.
After waiting what felt like an eternity, the doctor came in and asked me how things had been going. I grabbed all of my papers and charts (when did I become that woman?) and gave her all the information that I had. She jotted down my period dates and my ovulation dates. She paused. That's when she said it. "I think that you're having an ovulation issue and while I could give you medication, I think the better idea would be to have you see a reproductive endocrinologist." I nodded and said that sounded great. She left the room to get some information for me.
I can't say that I was surprised. It still felt like a slap on my face. This was happening. I was going to see a fertility specialist. I was becoming a story. You know how everyone has a, "Oh my friend's hair dresser had tired to get pregnant for four years before going for fertility treatments. It didn't work but then when they went on a vacation, BOOM she got pregnant!" I was going to be a story. Hopefully a successful one.
I have less than three hours left to wallow but to be honest, I'm feeling pretty good. Tomorrow is a new day.
I remember feeling nervous and relieved. Relieved because we had a plan, but nervous because I didn't know what the future held. The morning that I called my doctor's office to make the appointment I had a moment. I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror, both hands planted firmly on the counter. I studied my face in the reflection and said out loud to myself and the universe, "I give up."
Those words set me free. I wasn't giving up on having a family, I was letting go. I was going to allow myself to take the next step. It was OK that maybe our journey was going to be different than we had planned.
Fast forward to this morning. My doctor's appointment was at 10:30AM and I was anxious. I started off the day on a healthy foot with a glass of water mixed with apple cider vinegar and a cup of green tea. I took another pregnancy test because man that would be a great story! After throwing out another negative pregnancy test, I started to get ready to leave the house.
I can't say that I was surprised. It still felt like a slap on my face. This was happening. I was going to see a fertility specialist. I was becoming a story. You know how everyone has a, "Oh my friend's hair dresser had tired to get pregnant for four years before going for fertility treatments. It didn't work but then when they went on a vacation, BOOM she got pregnant!" I was going to be a story. Hopefully a successful one.
The doctor came back in the room and gave me in the information. Bless her soul, she really seemed to care. She told me that she would be waiting for the good news and as soon as I was pregnant, she'd take over my care. She told me that she hoped 2013 would be my year. Me and you both, sister.
I made it to my car in one piece. I called my husband and was able to give him the play by play. With no hesitation he said, "that's great"! He was genuinely excited. I burst into tears. In the sweetest way possible, and in such typical guy fashion he said, "Babe, I don't know why you're crying."
Why?
Because I'm broken. I feel like a failure. I'm scared. I'm petrified. And simply, this sucks.
I sat in my car for a few minutes in silence as the rain tapped at my windows. I made a decision. I had one day. One day to throw a pity party, one day to be angry at the world, one day to ask "why me, why us." And that was it. Come 12:01AM November 14th, no more. I am going to forge on and do everything that I can to make a freaking baby.
And that's not all. I am going to count my blessings and enjoy every day. I'm going to live and love the life I have and love with all of my heart. Maybe most importantly I'm going to love myself like hell.
When I got home I sat down and called to book an appointment with the fertility center. It felt good. And scary. One step forward. I had to run out to get something from CVS and like always I was distracted by the makeup aisles. I allowed myself one pity party purchase-- a new red lipstick.
I made it to my car in one piece. I called my husband and was able to give him the play by play. With no hesitation he said, "that's great"! He was genuinely excited. I burst into tears. In the sweetest way possible, and in such typical guy fashion he said, "Babe, I don't know why you're crying."
Why?
Because I'm broken. I feel like a failure. I'm scared. I'm petrified. And simply, this sucks.
I sat in my car for a few minutes in silence as the rain tapped at my windows. I made a decision. I had one day. One day to throw a pity party, one day to be angry at the world, one day to ask "why me, why us." And that was it. Come 12:01AM November 14th, no more. I am going to forge on and do everything that I can to make a freaking baby.
And that's not all. I am going to count my blessings and enjoy every day. I'm going to live and love the life I have and love with all of my heart. Maybe most importantly I'm going to love myself like hell.
When I got home I sat down and called to book an appointment with the fertility center. It felt good. And scary. One step forward. I had to run out to get something from CVS and like always I was distracted by the makeup aisles. I allowed myself one pity party purchase-- a new red lipstick.
I have less than three hours left to wallow but to be honest, I'm feeling pretty good. Tomorrow is a new day.
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