Minus 6

I've been on a mission to lose weight. There are a million + reasons for me to lose weight, but right now the # 1 motivator is that the more weight I lose, the better it is for making a baby. Baby K is pretty awesome motivation. I've lost about six pounds in the last two weeks and I'm super excited about it! Right now I'm following my doctor's advice by eating a low-carb, high protein diet and by exercising. Here are some recent eats.

Organic chicken with broccoli, yellow bell pepper, carrots and broccoli.

Organic eggs with feta, tomatoes, mushrooms, garlic and fresh parsley.

Hummus and whole wheat crackers for a snack.

Today's lunch/snack: Plain Greek yogurt with walnuts, whole wheat crackers with hummus, organic apple with cheese, salad with organic sliced chicken breast, tomatoes and some cheese.

I feel really great and I hope that the weight keeps coming off. This morning I booked our appointment to meet with our RE to discuss all of our results and I'm ridiculously excited. And nervous. And excited... and did I mention that I'm nervous? I hope that we go in and the doctor gives us instructions for how to prepare for IVF. I am so ready to get this show on the road. I am worried that the doctor will have other concerns or have some devastating news for us. I try not to think about that though.

In other random news-- I am reading this book Simple Abundance (which I love and highly recommend) and one of the tools that the author uses is a "daily dialogue". She recommends using a non-fancy notebook where you can carry on a conversation with yourself to empty your thoughts on to paper. You can write down all of the things that are on the horizon of your brain. I think that everyone has those nights were your brain is running 90 miles an hour and you can't quiet your thoughts.

I have now gotten into the habit of sitting down before bed (or anytime I feel like my thoughts are getting crazed) to write in the notebook. It's amazing what that voice in your head sounds like. I just write and write and it feels great to get the worries and demons out of my head. I have found that I'm sleeping a lot better and I have also been tackling the things that are plaguing me. For example, I found out that two days in a row that I was stressing out about the condition of my kitchen floors. On my day off I scrubbed them and it was one less thing for me to think about.

It may sound weird, but I promise that if you try it for a day or two I think that you'll love it too.

Cycle Day # 10 Labwork & Ultrasound

One of the reasons that I feel so compelled to write this blog is that I feel like I had no idea what to expect with this whole process and if I can offer a little insight to other couples going through this, it's a win. I got up bright and early on Sunday to get my cycle day 10 labwork and ultrasound done. I was a little nervous about the ultrasound because I wasn't exactly sure what they'd be doing.

I was happy to find out that they only had to take one vial for my bloodwork. After they took my blood, they had me follow a nurse into the ultrasound room. She gave me the rundown (get undressed and put this lovely tissue paper over your lap) and then the technician came in the room. I was handed a clipboard with a form that had lines to fill in for various measurements. The technician told me that she'd have me fill in numbers as she went. They measure the size of your uterus and ovaries, your follicle count, the thickness of your lining and make note of the shape of your uterus. I tried to memorize my numbers so I could check on it once I left. Picture me frantically googling "normal size uterus" in my car. You can just call me freak show.

What I have found to be most unnerving about this process is not having an immediate discussion with the doctor. I have no idea what was found with my labwork or the ultrasound. I understand that it makes more sense to have one meeting with the doctor once ALL of the labwork is complete but man it tests your patience. I'm anxious to meet with her and see what's going on. I keep telling myself to take one day at a time.

HSG Test

On Wednesday morning I had my HSG test scheduled, which stands for hysterosalpingogram (fancy, huh?). For those who are lucky enough to not know what that is, it's a test that checks your uterus and fallopian tubes. They inject a dye into your cervix and take x-rays to show if the dye goes through your tubes. I had been super anxious about this test because I had a feeling that my tubes were blocked. I was 99% sure that my right one was blocked due to my appendix rupturing and my previous ectopic pregnancy on that side. I had been praying that at least my left tube was OK.



An example of HSG test

 My doctor told me to NOT read anything online about it. She said that it wasn't that bad and that she didn't want me terrified. I actually took her advice and stayed away from anything besides medical descriptions of the procedure. Wednesday morning we drove to the hospital and went to the radiology department. I had been started on antibiotics as a precaution, and from what I've read, that's pretty standard procedure. I was also advised to take pain medication thirty minutes before the test, which I did.

They took me into a dressing room and asked me to remove everything from the waist down and then I went into the room. I was blessed by having the nicest nurse and doctor in the world. The radiologist explained everything to me as she went. They insert a speculum first and then put a catheter with a little balloon in your cervix. For me the most uncomfortable part was when they inflated the balloon to help keep the cervix dilated. It felt a little crampy and weird, but for me it wasn't much worse than regular menstrual cramps. When she started pushing the dye in, I didn't feel anything. I watched on the screen and from what I could tell, it didn't look like the dye was flowing into my fallopian tubes. After a few minutes the doctor confirmed my worst fears-- both of my tubes were blocked. I nodded and she asked if I was surprised. I told her that I wasn't surprised and she immediately said, "Don't you worry! They can fix these things these days." I could have hugged her.

Afterwards I got dressed and as we were walking out of the hospital I told Lenny the results. It wasn't the best news in the world, but we both felt better just KNOWING. We sat in the car for a while talking about it and of course Lenny was his usual optimistic self. The unexpected part was that I felt calm. We finally knew and know we could move on to the next step.

Right now we are waiting to meet with our doctor once we finish all of these initial tests. I know I'll feel much better once we speak to her and see what our options are. I've been speaking to friends, family and coworkers and it seems like everyone knows people who have gone through IVF and now have beautiful, healthy children. I hope that we will also have a happy ending.

So for you ladies who have to do this test-- it wasn't that bad for me at all. Afterwards I had the slightest bit of cramping but I went to work and felt fine. The next day I had some residual discomfort but by Friday I didn't feel any differently. Up next-- cycle day 10 labwork and ultrasound.

Cycle Day #3 Labwork

All through the holidays I had been waiting to get my period so that we could start our fertility testing. I was anxious to get things started but at the same time I kept telling myself to enjoy this quiet time. I knew that once the testing started it might get stressful. The morning that I went to get my cycle day 3 testing was a freezing cold morning. I got up a little earlier than I had to so I had enough time to do my  hair and put some make up on. I figured it wouldn't hurt to not look like a zombie. I had to get to the clinic by 7:45AM and I had no idea what to expect. When I got there the waiting room was filled with women and men sitting in silence. It was more intense than I had expected. I took the closest seat to the door and sat down.

When the nurse saw me fifteen minutes later she started to pull the vials out of the bins. I watched her out of the corner of my eye and saw that she lined up tube after tube. I finally said, "Are those all for me?" The nurse tried to reassure me by telling me that if I was donating blood she'd be taking 50 vials of blood instead of the 11 she had. Luckily the nurse found a good vein so I was done pretty quickly.  

On the drive home I stopped to pick up breakfast for us and I was coming around the bend a block away from our house, I saw the sun peaking above the horizon. A beautiful start to the day.

My doctor advised that I lose weight to increase my chances of getting pregnant and you better believe that I've been going to the gym and have been trying to eat healthy foods. For dinner one night I made clam stuffed mushrooms with kale on the side. Lunch another day was salad with feta, pumpkin seeds and peppers. It feels good to take care of myself.

My motto recently has been to treat myself lovingly. I've been taking time to do all of the things that bring me joy. I know that this process can be incredibly draining and it's easy to get yourself into a dark hole. I've been making time to read, write in my journal, spend time with my husband and do yoga. I've treated myself to coffee a few days this week (skinny vanilla lattes are my crack). I had a gift card left over from Christmas and decided to treat myself on my day off. I bought myself a patterned infinity scarf, a neon orange zipup for the gym, sparkle flats and a new candle. All of these things lift my spirits.

Coming up-- my HSG dye test.