Today I am two days post our 5 day transfer (aka 2DP5DT) and the wait is already crushing me. I am not sure how we are going to survive 8 more days of this. I might have to be sedated to make it to next Wednesday.
I'm officially off of "couch arrest", but I'm still nervous to do too much. The house needs a good cleaning and there are 900 things that I could do, but I am still laying pretty low.
I'm feeling pretty blah. I wasn't expecting to feel this way at all. I know how blessed we are to be at this point, but it is just too much to process to know that in one week and one day we will be pregnant... or we will not be pregnant.
It's too much.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Monday, May 27, 2013
IVF #1 Transfer Day!
Yesterday was a day that I had been dreaming of for a long time. We had finally made it to our transfer day. I meant to write yesterday but no words came to me. The joy felt too raw and I was sort of in shock. I think that I still am.
Everything went beautifully. We got to the clinic really early, which ended up being a stupid idea. I drank water before I left the house and on the drive. I was fine in the waiting room, but when our scheduled time of 9:30AM came and went, my bladder started to hurt. I had to get up and walk around because I thought that I was going to pee on myself. Finally at 9:45AM they came to bring us into the area where the procedure was taking place.
As soon as I saw the nurse I felt a million times better. This was really happening! They took us to a small room that had an exam table and an ultrasound machine. The nurse went over the discharge instructions and then a technician came in to do an ultrasound of my bladder. I told her that I definitely had a full enough bladder and she confirmed that. Next the doctor came in and explained how everything was going to work. He left the room as the nurses got me "in position." It was a typical pelvic exam position except once I had my feet in the stirrups, they did something to the table that tilted my lower half up.
The doctor came back in and told us that we had a lot of great embryos. He said that he highly suggested we transfer only one embryo because I'm young (his words, not mine), we have at least 4 embryos to freeze (possibly 7 total) and they expect that I'll have a high change of implantation. He said that he would transfer two if we strongly felt that way. I felt comfortable and confident with his advice so we nodded that was fine. He showed us a picture of our little embie.
It was amazing.
Here was this little tiny bundle of cells that might become our very own miracle. All of my hopes and dreams in one picture. It was surreal.
The doctor talked me through each step. First he put the speculum in, then he put the catheter in. Once that was done, he called in the embryologist who came in with our embryo. She announced my name and then the doctor put our little baby back where it belonged. And that was that. The doctor said that we were all done and then he showed me video of the ultrasound showing the moment the embryo was placed in my uterus. Lenny asked for a photo of it.
I had to lay still for about 10 minutes and then the nurse came in to tell me I could get dressed and go to the bathroom. The whole thing happened so fast, it was sort of crazy to think that such a huge event could only take 20 minutes.
On the drive home we both just smiled and kept saying how amazing everything went. I had pictured what transfer day would be like and I had always pictured it differently. I thought that it would feel more real, that I'd be an emotional mess, but it was different. I was numb in a way. The absolute sheer magnitude of what just happened hasn't seeped in to my soul yet. This is our little baby. This little tiny seed may become a bouncing baby who becomes a toddler running around the house who becomes a little boy with scabs on his knees who becomes a teenager who rolls his eyes at me and on and on. This is huge. The little picture I stared at for hours yesterday was the key to everything.
It's now a day later and it still doesn't feel real.
I don't know when it will, but I hope that this baby sticks around long enough for me to find out.
Everything went beautifully. We got to the clinic really early, which ended up being a stupid idea. I drank water before I left the house and on the drive. I was fine in the waiting room, but when our scheduled time of 9:30AM came and went, my bladder started to hurt. I had to get up and walk around because I thought that I was going to pee on myself. Finally at 9:45AM they came to bring us into the area where the procedure was taking place.
As soon as I saw the nurse I felt a million times better. This was really happening! They took us to a small room that had an exam table and an ultrasound machine. The nurse went over the discharge instructions and then a technician came in to do an ultrasound of my bladder. I told her that I definitely had a full enough bladder and she confirmed that. Next the doctor came in and explained how everything was going to work. He left the room as the nurses got me "in position." It was a typical pelvic exam position except once I had my feet in the stirrups, they did something to the table that tilted my lower half up.
The doctor came back in and told us that we had a lot of great embryos. He said that he highly suggested we transfer only one embryo because I'm young (his words, not mine), we have at least 4 embryos to freeze (possibly 7 total) and they expect that I'll have a high change of implantation. He said that he would transfer two if we strongly felt that way. I felt comfortable and confident with his advice so we nodded that was fine. He showed us a picture of our little embie.
It was amazing.
Here was this little tiny bundle of cells that might become our very own miracle. All of my hopes and dreams in one picture. It was surreal.
The doctor talked me through each step. First he put the speculum in, then he put the catheter in. Once that was done, he called in the embryologist who came in with our embryo. She announced my name and then the doctor put our little baby back where it belonged. And that was that. The doctor said that we were all done and then he showed me video of the ultrasound showing the moment the embryo was placed in my uterus. Lenny asked for a photo of it.
I had to lay still for about 10 minutes and then the nurse came in to tell me I could get dressed and go to the bathroom. The whole thing happened so fast, it was sort of crazy to think that such a huge event could only take 20 minutes.
On the drive home we both just smiled and kept saying how amazing everything went. I had pictured what transfer day would be like and I had always pictured it differently. I thought that it would feel more real, that I'd be an emotional mess, but it was different. I was numb in a way. The absolute sheer magnitude of what just happened hasn't seeped in to my soul yet. This is our little baby. This little tiny seed may become a bouncing baby who becomes a toddler running around the house who becomes a little boy with scabs on his knees who becomes a teenager who rolls his eyes at me and on and on. This is huge. The little picture I stared at for hours yesterday was the key to everything.
It's now a day later and it still doesn't feel real.
I don't know when it will, but I hope that this baby sticks around long enough for me to find out.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
IVF #1 Post Egg Retrieval
Um, hello.
You should probably sit down and get ready for some real talk.
Egg retrieval is no joke. The day of the retrieval I was fine, still sore and a little crampy but I had expected that. I went to work the next day and holy bananas I was bloated. Whenever I got up to walk anywhere I waddled and moved at a slow pace. I made it through the day and hoped I'd be feeling better by the next day.
Thursday came and I was still very bloated and felt extremely uncomfortable. I had pressure under my ribs and felt very full. My stomach was slightly distended. I called the clinic and they asked me if I was having any trouble breathing (no) and if I had gained weight (not sure). They told me to call if it got any worse and to drink a lot of Gatorade and eat a lot of salty foods.
I had made an acupuncture appointment for that night and I almost cancelled it because I felt so awful. I'm so glad that I went because I really think that it helped me turn a corner. After my session I felt like I had to go to the bathroom and ended urinating for what felt like 2 minutes.
That night I went to the bathroom numerous times and by Friday morning I was feeling less bloated. I weighed myself like the clinic had suggested and was so relieved to see that I was the same exact weight I was the morning of the retrieval. I followed instructions and drank an enormous amount of Gatorade and ate the saltiest things that I could fine.
Today is Saturday and I'm feeling much better, but still not 100%. I am hoping that I will feel even better tomorrow because it's a BIG day.
So, I don't mean to freak you out at all. I actually really don't like reading posts when women scare the crap out of you and complain about how ______________ (fill in the blank) was the WORST THING EVER. I don't like alarmists. I'm just letting you know that you can expect some bloating for a few days and that if you can take off the following day, do it. Also, make sure you keep your doctor up to date with how you are feeling and call if you have any questions at all.
End rant.
You should probably sit down and get ready for some real talk.
Egg retrieval is no joke. The day of the retrieval I was fine, still sore and a little crampy but I had expected that. I went to work the next day and holy bananas I was bloated. Whenever I got up to walk anywhere I waddled and moved at a slow pace. I made it through the day and hoped I'd be feeling better by the next day.
Thursday came and I was still very bloated and felt extremely uncomfortable. I had pressure under my ribs and felt very full. My stomach was slightly distended. I called the clinic and they asked me if I was having any trouble breathing (no) and if I had gained weight (not sure). They told me to call if it got any worse and to drink a lot of Gatorade and eat a lot of salty foods.
I had made an acupuncture appointment for that night and I almost cancelled it because I felt so awful. I'm so glad that I went because I really think that it helped me turn a corner. After my session I felt like I had to go to the bathroom and ended urinating for what felt like 2 minutes.
That night I went to the bathroom numerous times and by Friday morning I was feeling less bloated. I weighed myself like the clinic had suggested and was so relieved to see that I was the same exact weight I was the morning of the retrieval. I followed instructions and drank an enormous amount of Gatorade and ate the saltiest things that I could fine.
Today is Saturday and I'm feeling much better, but still not 100%. I am hoping that I will feel even better tomorrow because it's a BIG day.
So, I don't mean to freak you out at all. I actually really don't like reading posts when women scare the crap out of you and complain about how ______________ (fill in the blank) was the WORST THING EVER. I don't like alarmists. I'm just letting you know that you can expect some bloating for a few days and that if you can take off the following day, do it. Also, make sure you keep your doctor up to date with how you are feeling and call if you have any questions at all.
End rant.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
IVF #1 Egg Retrieval
What a day.
This morning I woke up anxious and nervous and excited. This afternoon I am a proud Mama to 14 eggs.
We had to get to the clinic by 8:45AM for a 9:30AM egg retrieval (ER). I was in the waiting room for about 2 minutes before they took me into a more hospital-like room. A nurse had me sign some papers, get into a gown, took my vitals and started my IV. By the time all of that had been done, Lenny joined me while we waited for my turn.
About 15 minutes later they wheeled me into another room and the nurse told me she was going to give me medication to make me sleepy and she put the oxygen mask on. I vaguely remember the doctor coming in and asking me some questions, and then the next thing I knew I was back in the same room I had started in. Lenny was sitting in the chair and there were crackers and ginger ale on the table next to me. He told me that I had been back for several minutes and was only "out of it" for a couple of minutes.
I felt very uncomfortable. There is no way around it. It felt like really strong menstrual cramps on steroids. The nurse came in and asked me how I was feeling. I told her I was pretty uncomfortable so she gave me some Tylenol and a heating pad. I started feeling better, but it was a consistent enough pain that I didn't feel like talking and I just tried to breathe through it and find a comfortable position. The doctor popped in and said that I'd feel cramping because he took a good amount of eggs out, but he said that this was the worst that I'd feel. They gave us the "bio sheet" with our stats for the day. Everyone seemed very happy with the 14 eggs, including us!
After maybe 15 minutes the nurse helped me to the bathroom and then I got dressed. I was pretty hungry at that point so we stopped to pick up subs on the way home. I had to walk pretty slowly to get inside the house but once I sat down I felt fine. I spent my afternoon drinking water, watching TV and taking naps on and off.
It's almost 5PM now and I'm feeling 65% better. Still achy and moving slowly, but honestly it all doesn't even matter. I am feeling SO blessed that everything went well today and they were able to get 14 freaking eggs. I can't wait to get our fertilization report tomorrow but I know that we both are feeling incredibly relieved and lucky. This is really, really, really happening.
In 5 short days I will be "pregnant until proven otherwise," which is pretty fantastic.
It's also weird to think that about 8 miles away from where I sit, our very first babysitters are watching the kids. I hope that they are behaving.
Some tips for ER:
1. Not to be gross, but my "beat post-ER constipation" plan worked. Yesterday I ate a few prunes, homemade veggie soup with lentils and a ton of water and Gatorade. I'm happy to report that I've already gone to the bathroom since I've been home.
2. Bring socks. I wore flip flops there and my naked feet were cold.
3. Plan to take it easy the rest of the day. Make a date with your couch and rent a good movie.
4. Make sure that you have food and drinks at home waiting for you. I had a Gatorade waiting for me when I got home and after 12 hours of no liquids I was very happy to see it.
5. Take a deep breath and give yourself a high five (and your husband or partner). You have made it through the hard part!
This morning I woke up anxious and nervous and excited. This afternoon I am a proud Mama to 14 eggs.
We had to get to the clinic by 8:45AM for a 9:30AM egg retrieval (ER). I was in the waiting room for about 2 minutes before they took me into a more hospital-like room. A nurse had me sign some papers, get into a gown, took my vitals and started my IV. By the time all of that had been done, Lenny joined me while we waited for my turn.
About 15 minutes later they wheeled me into another room and the nurse told me she was going to give me medication to make me sleepy and she put the oxygen mask on. I vaguely remember the doctor coming in and asking me some questions, and then the next thing I knew I was back in the same room I had started in. Lenny was sitting in the chair and there were crackers and ginger ale on the table next to me. He told me that I had been back for several minutes and was only "out of it" for a couple of minutes.
I felt very uncomfortable. There is no way around it. It felt like really strong menstrual cramps on steroids. The nurse came in and asked me how I was feeling. I told her I was pretty uncomfortable so she gave me some Tylenol and a heating pad. I started feeling better, but it was a consistent enough pain that I didn't feel like talking and I just tried to breathe through it and find a comfortable position. The doctor popped in and said that I'd feel cramping because he took a good amount of eggs out, but he said that this was the worst that I'd feel. They gave us the "bio sheet" with our stats for the day. Everyone seemed very happy with the 14 eggs, including us!
After maybe 15 minutes the nurse helped me to the bathroom and then I got dressed. I was pretty hungry at that point so we stopped to pick up subs on the way home. I had to walk pretty slowly to get inside the house but once I sat down I felt fine. I spent my afternoon drinking water, watching TV and taking naps on and off.
It's almost 5PM now and I'm feeling 65% better. Still achy and moving slowly, but honestly it all doesn't even matter. I am feeling SO blessed that everything went well today and they were able to get 14 freaking eggs. I can't wait to get our fertilization report tomorrow but I know that we both are feeling incredibly relieved and lucky. This is really, really, really happening.
In 5 short days I will be "pregnant until proven otherwise," which is pretty fantastic.
It's also weird to think that about 8 miles away from where I sit, our very first babysitters are watching the kids. I hope that they are behaving.
Some tips for ER:
1. Not to be gross, but my "beat post-ER constipation" plan worked. Yesterday I ate a few prunes, homemade veggie soup with lentils and a ton of water and Gatorade. I'm happy to report that I've already gone to the bathroom since I've been home.
2. Bring socks. I wore flip flops there and my naked feet were cold.
3. Plan to take it easy the rest of the day. Make a date with your couch and rent a good movie.
4. Make sure that you have food and drinks at home waiting for you. I had a Gatorade waiting for me when I got home and after 12 hours of no liquids I was very happy to see it.
5. Take a deep breath and give yourself a high five (and your husband or partner). You have made it through the hard part!
Monday, May 20, 2013
IVF #1 Prepping for Egg Retrieval
I am an over researcher. My husband makes fun of me all of the time because I just have to keep going and going, no matter if I'm looking for a place to eat or researching the "best" curling iron. I am an information whore. Yesterday I searched for ways to prep for anesthesia since I have read that the post egg retrieval constipation is no joke and not much fun combined with a swollen abdomen.
I grabbed some Gatorade to hydrate myself today and some prunes to get things going. I also got ingredients to make a veggie lentil soup that I can eat today. I figured eating something lighter would be better than something heavy.
Bring it on!
Sunday, May 19, 2013
IVF #1 Cycle Days 10-11: OMG it's Trigger Time
On Saturday morning I went in for an ultrasound and bloodwork. They wanted to measure how fast the follices were growing in 24 hours. I could tell by the numbers that the follicles had grown, but I didn't really know what the numbers meant. Are they good? Do I have enough follicles?
I also know that my lining grew overnight. On Friday I was at a 4.8 and by Saturday morning I was at a 7.4, which made me happy.
I waited anxiously to get my next instructions and around 3:30PM I got the email. They informed me that I'd be triggering Sunday night with my egg retrieval (ER) scheduled for Tuesday. HOLY CRAP!
Things got very real.
I took is easy on Saturday and Sunday because I was feeling very, very sore. I felt OK when I was standing still or sitting down, but whenever I did any twisting motion, it felt uncomfortable. Definitely not painful, but sort of "ouch, that doesn't feel right."
On Sunday they gave me more specific instructions-- I had to give my shot at 9:30PM and we would have to get to the clinic at 8:45AM on Tuesday. I called my mother in law to let her know that I'd need her services for my shot. I'm totally fine with the subQ shots but the IM shots, Oh HELL no.
I spent the afternoon googling videos on giving intramuscular injections in the deltoid. I called the center and spoke to a nurse who gave me instructions. By 8:45PM I was having an anxiety attack. I wasn't worried about the needle, I was worried about getting the injection in the right spot. My MIL did an awesome job though and I actually didn't feel the needle going in. I didn't know it had happened until it was over. As soon as the needle came out though it was instantly sore. As I drove home I kept saying "WOW" out loud in the car and laughing. It really freaking hurt. When I got home Lenny rubbed my arm which made it feel one thousand times better. I also put a warm washcloth on it.
I know that I sound like a broken record, but HOLY CRAP this is really happening!!!!!
I also know that my lining grew overnight. On Friday I was at a 4.8 and by Saturday morning I was at a 7.4, which made me happy.
I waited anxiously to get my next instructions and around 3:30PM I got the email. They informed me that I'd be triggering Sunday night with my egg retrieval (ER) scheduled for Tuesday. HOLY CRAP!
Things got very real.
I took is easy on Saturday and Sunday because I was feeling very, very sore. I felt OK when I was standing still or sitting down, but whenever I did any twisting motion, it felt uncomfortable. Definitely not painful, but sort of "ouch, that doesn't feel right."
On Sunday they gave me more specific instructions-- I had to give my shot at 9:30PM and we would have to get to the clinic at 8:45AM on Tuesday. I called my mother in law to let her know that I'd need her services for my shot. I'm totally fine with the subQ shots but the IM shots, Oh HELL no.
I spent the afternoon googling videos on giving intramuscular injections in the deltoid. I called the center and spoke to a nurse who gave me instructions. By 8:45PM I was having an anxiety attack. I wasn't worried about the needle, I was worried about getting the injection in the right spot. My MIL did an awesome job though and I actually didn't feel the needle going in. I didn't know it had happened until it was over. As soon as the needle came out though it was instantly sore. As I drove home I kept saying "WOW" out loud in the car and laughing. It really freaking hurt. When I got home Lenny rubbed my arm which made it feel one thousand times better. I also put a warm washcloth on it.
I know that I sound like a broken record, but HOLY CRAP this is really happening!!!!!
Friday, May 17, 2013
IVF #1 Cycle Day 9: Grow Follicles Grow!
The difference a day makes. Yesterday at this time I was near hysterics, convinced that this cycle was going to be canceled.
Today I'm ridiculously excited and hopeful.
I went in for blood work and an ultrasound and the nurse said that I was responding very well to the medication. She had measured 15 follicles in my right ovary alone. She said that I was getting very close!
I can not believe it.
Today I'm ridiculously excited and hopeful.
I went in for blood work and an ultrasound and the nurse said that I was responding very well to the medication. She had measured 15 follicles in my right ovary alone. She said that I was getting very close!
I can not believe it.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
IVF #1 Cycle Day 8: In Rough Shape
Day 8 has been a rough one.
I still have my period. And it's not light. I'm crampy. I have a stomachache. My ovaries hurt. I feel like I can't take a deep breathe (hello anxiety). Last night I had a mini malfunction when it came time to give my menopur injection last night. I'm tired.
I called the clinic to let them know that I'M STILL BLEEDING and they said that they would check my hormones and do an ultrasound tomorrow. I thought that I'd feel better after speaking to them, but I don't. I'm so nervous that something is wrong or that I'm going to end up having this cycle cancelled. I was feeling confident until today and now I just don't think that it's going to work this time.
I should not be bleeding this heavily on my 6th day of stimulation drugs. How is my lining going to get thick enough? I want to scream and cry and curl in a ball.
I just want today to be over. I want good news tomorrow and I want to stop freaking having my period damn it!
I still have my period. And it's not light. I'm crampy. I have a stomachache. My ovaries hurt. I feel like I can't take a deep breathe (hello anxiety). Last night I had a mini malfunction when it came time to give my menopur injection last night. I'm tired.
I called the clinic to let them know that I'M STILL BLEEDING and they said that they would check my hormones and do an ultrasound tomorrow. I thought that I'd feel better after speaking to them, but I don't. I'm so nervous that something is wrong or that I'm going to end up having this cycle cancelled. I was feeling confident until today and now I just don't think that it's going to work this time.
I should not be bleeding this heavily on my 6th day of stimulation drugs. How is my lining going to get thick enough? I want to scream and cry and curl in a ball.
I just want today to be over. I want good news tomorrow and I want to stop freaking having my period damn it!
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
IVF #1 Cycle Day 6: Labwork
This morning I had lab work done and like always, my anxiety increased as the day went on. There is just something about the waiting that is awful. I feel like I'm in a video game and I'm just trying to get to the next level. Once I get to the next level I'm excited for about 2 minutes until I start thinking about the next hurdle we have to get over.
Right now the plan is to add in menopur tonight, reduce the gonal-f and keep the lupron the same. I have an ultrasound and lab work scheduled this Friday. I like this part-- giving injections, following my protocol, keeping track on my spreadsheet. This is the part that I can do-- I feel in control and feel like we are making progress. The lab work and ultrasounds take a few months off of my life.
Deep breath.
Right now the plan is to add in menopur tonight, reduce the gonal-f and keep the lupron the same. I have an ultrasound and lab work scheduled this Friday. I like this part-- giving injections, following my protocol, keeping track on my spreadsheet. This is the part that I can do-- I feel in control and feel like we are making progress. The lab work and ultrasounds take a few months off of my life.
Deep breath.
Monday, May 13, 2013
IVF #1 Cycle Day 3-5: Starting Stims
On Saturday, May 11th, I started my gonal-f injections. I was a little anxious about using the pen style medication, but it ended up being really easy. The injection itself was not painful at all and it was so exciting to be starting this portion of our cycle. Grow follicles, grow!
Yesterday was the first day that I felt any sort of side effects. I'm not sure if they are from the lupron or the gonal-f but so far I have experienced: headaches, bloating, slight abdominal discomfort, hot flashes.
It hasn't been that bad at all, but I did have a headache on and off all day yesterday. I'm feeling a sort of throbbing feeling on my right side (I'm praying that it's not a cyst or something awful).
Tomorrow I have to get blood work done and then I will find out if my medications need to be adjusted. I hope that everything is going well. Fingers crossed.
Yesterday was the first day that I felt any sort of side effects. I'm not sure if they are from the lupron or the gonal-f but so far I have experienced: headaches, bloating, slight abdominal discomfort, hot flashes.
It hasn't been that bad at all, but I did have a headache on and off all day yesterday. I'm feeling a sort of throbbing feeling on my right side (I'm praying that it's not a cyst or something awful).
Tomorrow I have to get blood work done and then I will find out if my medications need to be adjusted. I hope that everything is going well. Fingers crossed.
Friday, May 10, 2013
IVF #1 Cycle Day 2: Bloodwork and Ultrasound
This morning I went to the clinic to get my day 2 blood work and baseline ultrasound done. I was excited to go and then once I got to the clinic I got nervous. There is always that fear that something will be wrong. Will they see a polyp? Will my numbers be off? It's the classic fear of the Unknown.
Around 11AM I got an email with my "new orders"-- which made me feel like I'm in the CIA. "Your new orders have been posted... if you choose to accept them." I was instructed to begin my gonal-f injections at night and reduce my lupron injected by half. I couldn't believe it-- I was starting my stims!!!
Next up... starting gonal-f.
Around 11AM I got an email with my "new orders"-- which made me feel like I'm in the CIA. "Your new orders have been posted... if you choose to accept them." I was instructed to begin my gonal-f injections at night and reduce my lupron injected by half. I couldn't believe it-- I was starting my stims!!!
Next up... starting gonal-f.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
IVF #1 Cycle Day 1
Yesterday I took my last birth control pill. A-freaking-men.
Once you take your last bcp you are instructed to call once you have a full flow. I was worried that I'd have to wait a while before moving on to the next step but my body proved me wrong by presenting me with a period this morning. I was surprised how quickly it came so I called my clinic to let them know what was going on.
I give these nurses SO much credit for dealing with all of us crazy, hormonal women day in and day out. I called, panicked because I thought that it was weird that I got my period so quickly. She said it was fine. I'm going in tomorrow for my first ultrasound and labwork of my IVF cycle. Woah, sh*t is getting real.
I made a spreadsheet to get us through our IVF cycle and have a column for "word of the day." Today's word is: abundant.
The word fits well with my mood today. I feel so grateful for everything. My husband, my family, my doctors, my insurance, my friends, where we live. I know that we are the lucky ones.
Once you take your last bcp you are instructed to call once you have a full flow. I was worried that I'd have to wait a while before moving on to the next step but my body proved me wrong by presenting me with a period this morning. I was surprised how quickly it came so I called my clinic to let them know what was going on.
I give these nurses SO much credit for dealing with all of us crazy, hormonal women day in and day out. I called, panicked because I thought that it was weird that I got my period so quickly. She said it was fine. I'm going in tomorrow for my first ultrasound and labwork of my IVF cycle. Woah, sh*t is getting real.
I made a spreadsheet to get us through our IVF cycle and have a column for "word of the day." Today's word is: abundant.
a·bun·dant
present in great quantity; more than adequate; oversufficient:The word fits well with my mood today. I feel so grateful for everything. My husband, my family, my doctors, my insurance, my friends, where we live. I know that we are the lucky ones.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Loopy Lupron
This morning I gave myself my third shot of lupron. The shots are totally not bad and I have found that each day it's a little easier.
On Sunday morning I had my very first injection and besides a 10 second silent freak out right before sticking the needle in, it was fine. I watched the videos from Freedom Fertility three times the night before just to make sure that I felt comfortable doing it.
Yesterday I might have had my first side effect from lupron. My parents had just left after visiting for the weekend and all of a sudden I started crying. Which turned into bawling. Of course I always miss my parents, but I can't remember the last time that I cried when they left. I sat on my couch and cried for a solid ten minutes and then on and off that afternoon. When Lenny came home I told him that I'd had an emotional afternoon and that I didn't know what the hell I was crying about. He suggested it was the meds so I started googling.
That's when I found countless forums talking about "Loopy" lupron and the "bitch juice." I read some of the comments out loud to Lenny and we couldn't stop laughing. One women mentioned how she cried for an hour after her husband told her that he didn't like the way the fish she was marinading smelled. I felt a bit better after realizing that I wasn't a complete nut.
This morning I had a nightmare that I had been giving myself the wrong amount of lupron. In my dream I knew that I was supposed to be giving 10 units and apparently I had been using the 10 ml line instead of the 10 unit line. I remember freaking out in my dream and thinking "I have to call the clinic!" After I woke up I checked my syringes to assure myself that I had been giving myself the right amount. No matter how calm you feel, you always have the thought, "AM I FREAKING DOING THIS RIGHT??" in the back of your brain. I have two more days of birth control and then I wait for my period. It's crazy that in in a week or so I might be starting stimulation medications. I still can't believe that we are IN our IVF cycle. It's surreal.
On Sunday morning I had my very first injection and besides a 10 second silent freak out right before sticking the needle in, it was fine. I watched the videos from Freedom Fertility three times the night before just to make sure that I felt comfortable doing it.
Yesterday I might have had my first side effect from lupron. My parents had just left after visiting for the weekend and all of a sudden I started crying. Which turned into bawling. Of course I always miss my parents, but I can't remember the last time that I cried when they left. I sat on my couch and cried for a solid ten minutes and then on and off that afternoon. When Lenny came home I told him that I'd had an emotional afternoon and that I didn't know what the hell I was crying about. He suggested it was the meds so I started googling.
That's when I found countless forums talking about "Loopy" lupron and the "bitch juice." I read some of the comments out loud to Lenny and we couldn't stop laughing. One women mentioned how she cried for an hour after her husband told her that he didn't like the way the fish she was marinading smelled. I felt a bit better after realizing that I wasn't a complete nut.
This morning I had a nightmare that I had been giving myself the wrong amount of lupron. In my dream I knew that I was supposed to be giving 10 units and apparently I had been using the 10 ml line instead of the 10 unit line. I remember freaking out in my dream and thinking "I have to call the clinic!" After I woke up I checked my syringes to assure myself that I had been giving myself the right amount. No matter how calm you feel, you always have the thought, "AM I FREAKING DOING THIS RIGHT??" in the back of your brain. I have two more days of birth control and then I wait for my period. It's crazy that in in a week or so I might be starting stimulation medications. I still can't believe that we are IN our IVF cycle. It's surreal.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
T minus 1 Day
Tomorrow I start injections.
It's also my 29th birthday.
I can't believe that we are finally here. I literally have no words for how excited and anxious I am. Twenty one months after making the decision to start a family, we are finally here.
There is still so much unknown but the only thing that I keep telling myself is: It is possible.
It is possible that in two months we will see a beautiful heartbeat.
It is possible that I will spend this summer happily battling morning sickness and taking naps on the couch.
It is possible that I will be pregnant this fall while I excitedly prepare for baby with my family.
It is possible that I will be pregnant for all of the Winter holidays and ring in a new year with a baby kicking in my belly.
It is possible that by my next birthday I will be a Mama.
It is possible that by next Mother's Day I will have a baby on my chest.
Of course, it's possible that none of this may happen, but I'm focusing on hope.
It is possible.
It's also my 29th birthday.
I can't believe that we are finally here. I literally have no words for how excited and anxious I am. Twenty one months after making the decision to start a family, we are finally here.
There is still so much unknown but the only thing that I keep telling myself is: It is possible.
It is possible that in two months we will see a beautiful heartbeat.
It is possible that I will spend this summer happily battling morning sickness and taking naps on the couch.
It is possible that I will be pregnant this fall while I excitedly prepare for baby with my family.
It is possible that I will be pregnant for all of the Winter holidays and ring in a new year with a baby kicking in my belly.
It is possible that by my next birthday I will be a Mama.
It is possible that by next Mother's Day I will have a baby on my chest.
Of course, it's possible that none of this may happen, but I'm focusing on hope.
It is possible.
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