If I could personally give every person who has ever suffered from fertility a hug and kiss and have this be 1. not creepy and 2. physically possible, I would absolutely do it.
Even when you think that you've got things under control, you don't. Even when you have all the positive thoughts in the world, you can still expect a roller coaster ride.
I had an ultrasound on Sunday and was completely sure that everything would look great. The original plan was that I'd have the ultrasound to confirm that my lining was at least 8mm and then schedule my transfer for this Saturday. I went in for my ultrasound and the technician told me that my lining was at 6.0mm. No bueno. I had a mini meltdown because I just can't wait anyfreakinglonger.
I got my instructions to increase my estrace from 2x a day to 3x a day. They wanted me to come in for a repeat ultrasound this Friday. Cue me whining.
I should have just been happy with this neutral news because on Monday I started spotting. I called the clinic and they told me that it wasn't a big deal because it can happen when you increase estrogen. OK, no biggie.
Yesterday I woke up and I had something between spotting and a full blown period, which caused me curse my uterus for clearly not getting the correct memo. Hey Ute, can you get your act together please?
I called the clinic again to inform them of this development. The nurse said, "OK, we will talk to a doctor and figure out a plan." Roger that. What felt like 27 hours later, they called me to let me know that I should come in for an ultrasound on Wednesday to assess the lining. If the lining had increased, they wouldn't worry about the bleeding.
Fast forward to this morning. My eyes fly open and I immediately try to figure out if I'm still bleeding. I turn over, nothing. I get up to let the dogs out to pee, nothing. I'm feeling pretty good. I continue back to bed when I feel it. Yup. There is no way my lining is going to be OK.
I drive to the clinic literally talking out loud to myself. "It will be fine, maybe everything is OK? It's fine. What's another month?"
I get my bloodwork done (which, as a side note, can I just ask if it's some sort of cosmic joke that the only "small" body part that I have are my veins? What gives?) and then head into the ultrasound. Luckily I got my favorite technician so I was happy that at least I'd get the news from a kind soul. She gave me the number-- my lining is 3.8mm. Yikes.
I leave feeling deflated. And here folks, is where you have to pay attention. Not to sound cliche, but you really do have to keep the faith. I ignored my one biggest rule- ONLY WORRY WHEN YOU HAVE TO WORRY. I figured that this cycle was a complete wash and that we'd have to start all over again.
A few hours later I got a voicemail on my phone. It was Dr. V and as soon as I heard her voice I felt better. She called to say that she knew I was having some issues with bleeding but that she was going to have her team order injectable estrace for me. She said that once the bleeding stopped I should be in "good shape" and hopefully my lining will build back up. I have to go in for an ultrasound on Monday, July 29th.
SEE. No reason to worry. Now I have no idea if this will work or not and it's very possible that my FET cycle will be cancelled if my lining decides to take a vacation, BUT-- and it's a big but-- it is also possible that this will work and I'll have my frozen babies transferred in the next few weeks.
Hope.
It is a wonderful thing.
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