I pressed play

My girls had their nine month check up today. 

I dressed them warmly in layers, packed the essentials- two diapers, wipes, two teethers, a burp cloth, one emergency bottle and pacifiers just in case. I carried them both out to the car in one trip and headed to the doctor's. I met my husband there with five minutes to spare. We carried the girls in and sat in the lobby chatting with the girls and each other. I balanced Emma on my knee while I filled out the clipboard. During the appointment we took turns with the girls, entertaining them, answering questions, soothing them after their shots.

It was easy. Enjoyable actually. If you told me nine months ago that a trip to the doctor's didn't have to include meltdowns (from me and the babies), lots of crying and the need for a stiff drink, I would have laughed in your face.

After nine months of being twin parents, we were on our game. We've got this. On our way out of the office we passed by a very tired looking couple with a brand new baby. I smiled at them and thought about our past visits to the doctor's and all of the missteps that we've had.

Like how I used to pack their diaper bag like I was crossing the Alps. Or the time that we were fifteen minutes late to the appointment because we totally undeestimated how long it would take to get week old twins in the car. Or the time that I put them both in complicated outfits and started sweating as the nurse watched me get them undressed. And that time that I didn't bring the pacifiers because "they won't need them!," only to have two screaming babies and a whole lobby staring at me on the way out. 

It happens. You learn as you go and figure out what works best. I'm proud of myself and where I am today as Mom. Now that the girls are getting close a year old I can feel a mommy fog lifting a bit. I've been thinking a lot about my needs and wants lately and finally feel like I'm in a place where I can go after my goals. I feel uncomfortable in my body and know that I want to be a great example for my girls. I want to be healthy and active and eat good food. I know what I need to do, I just need to do it.

Last night after the girls went to bed I felt exhausted. I cleaned up the kitchen, picked up the 90 toys in the living room, wiped down the high chair trays and threw a load of laundry in the dryer. I looked at the time and desperately wanted to crawl into bed. But I knew that I'd feel great if I worked out. I got my workout DVD cued up, went upstairs to put on my sneakers and then I did something for myself.

I pressed play.

It's time for me to take care of myself like I take care of my daughters. I'm going to be the best Mom and best me that I can be. I just have to put the work in. One day at a time.