Twenty four hours ago I was having a silent panic attack. I've been pretty optimistic about everything, but on Monday I started getting increasingly nervous about our appointment with the doctor. I couldn't help but worry about all of the horrible, terrible things that she found during all of our tests. It wasn't rational, but I was worried that we'd go in the office and she'd basically tell us that she couldn't help us. Every time I thought about it, it felt like I had swallowed an ice cube whole, cold fingers tightening around my heart.
Our appointment was at 12:30pm yesterday and on the drive to the office I tried to focus on the moment. One second at a time. Once I saw our doctor, I immediately felt better. We sat down and she told me that my blood work was great and that she didn't think that my left tube was blocked. She said that it might be, but it might also be fine. My husband's results came back fine too. She said that our next step would be IVF, though we could possibly get pregnant on our own. Right now the plan is for me to lose some more weight-- I have 13 lbs to go to get to her goal for me-- and then we meet again in two months. The doctor was so optimistic that she said, "It's not a matter of if you get pregnant, but just a matter of when." I could have jumped across the table to kiss her.
It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders after we left. I could have skipped on clouds I was so excited. It feels great to have a plan and know that this is really possible. We really could have a baby!
I'm so grateful that the appointment went as well as it did. It gave us both so much hope and I am very excited for what's to come. Again, I always feel like I'm being naive about this, but I don't care. I'll worry and stress when I have to. Today I will be happy.
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