Bowl of Mush

For me, being a mom brings out the extremes of all emotions. I've experienced the greatest most awe inspiring moments of joy where I feel like my heart will explode into a million pieces of glittery sunshine, but then I've also been overwhelmed in a dark cloud of tiredness.

Sometimes I get so energized to create this beautiful life for my children and family and think about all of the things that I want to do:

lose weight! 

get healthy!

bake yummy things!

start an etsy shop!

make art!

clean out my closet!

read self help books!

find my passion! 

And then most of the time I'm 

just...

so...

tired.

I'm hoping that by having a place to collect my thoughts, I'll be able to accomplish more and create a clearer path to the life that I want.

Meal Plan Week 1/11

Every once in a while I'll sit down to meal plan and just completely draw a blank. As in I cannot remember a single thing that I ate the prior week. I sit there and think, "What the heck do I eat?!" I can't be the only one... can I??

Either way, this post is for all of us who can use a little inspiration in the meal planning area. A few weeks ago I thought about what was working for me and what wasn't working for me when it comes to meals and snacks that I bring to work. I realized a few key points:

1. Snacks have to be easy to pack and eat. For example, if I'm going to bring boiled eggs, peel them at home! By the end of the week I hadn't eaten a single egg.
2. Lunch has to be easy to pack and assemble.
3. I am much more likely to eat a healthy dinner if it's already made. As quick and easy as it is to cook shrimp and broccoli, after putting the girls to bed I am STARVING and just want to get food in my stomach. If I have to get a pan or turn the oven on, it's probably not happening!

Ok, on to the food.

Yesterday for lunch I had a can of tuna with a spoonful of plain Greek yogurt, sliced red onion, tons of black pepper, celery seed and (random) sliced cabbage. I had a bag of coleslaw mix and needed some crunch so I threw a handful in-- it was actually delicious!

Last week I made three big batches of food for the week.

• I made a batch of roasted veggies that had zucchini, red peppers and portobello mushrooms. After roasting them I put them in balsamic vinegar, olive oil and chopped fresh garlic. I ate them with a whole wheat pita and some goat cheese and it was freaking delicious. You could throw them in some pasta or just eat it as a side. It tasted better the longer that it marinated in the fridge.
• I made bean salad with black beans, corn, green bell pepper and cilantro. I topped it with those 90 calorie guacamole packets and it was a lunch that I looked forward to every day! You could also eat it as a side dish or with a whole wheat tortilla or brown rice. 
• I made a batch of no-mayo coleslaw which turned out to be a great thing to have on hand. I bought a bag of coleslaw mix which just has shredded cabbage and carrots in it. I made a dressing with lots of vinegar, some mustard, celery salt and a little bit of olive oil. I also put in lots of black pepper. It was an easy way to get veggies in throughout the week and something that I made again this week.

This week I made a batch of Greek brown rice salad with grilled shrimp. I originally wanted to make it with orzo but forgot to buy it. I had brown rice at home so I used that instead.

I made the brown rice and then while it was still warm added lemon juice and some olive oil. I added chopped parsley, dried oregano, green bell pepper, red onion and feta. I grilled the shrimp with some garlic and black pepper. Next time I'd definitely add more veggies like artichoke hearts or chopped tomatoes.

I also made a batch of veggies and beans that I didn't take a picture of yet. I sauteed zucchini, mushrooms, bell pepper and a yellow onion with garlic and olive oil. I added some fire roasted chopped tomatoes, black beans and a ton of chili spices. The recipe called for a cornbread topping which I nixed at the last minute. I took some of the mixture out before I added the spices and the girls loved it! I haven't eaten it yet but I'm hoping that it's a keeper.

For snacks this week I got plain Greek yogurt to eat with almonds, packs of plain oatmeal, oranges and bananas. Breakfast has been either eggs with steamed broccoli or cottage cheese with pineapple. I will post my meal plan for next week too. I know that my meals may not be the most exciting but it works for me! I hope that it might give you some new ideas of what to make. 

I pressed play

My girls had their nine month check up today. 

I dressed them warmly in layers, packed the essentials- two diapers, wipes, two teethers, a burp cloth, one emergency bottle and pacifiers just in case. I carried them both out to the car in one trip and headed to the doctor's. I met my husband there with five minutes to spare. We carried the girls in and sat in the lobby chatting with the girls and each other. I balanced Emma on my knee while I filled out the clipboard. During the appointment we took turns with the girls, entertaining them, answering questions, soothing them after their shots.

It was easy. Enjoyable actually. If you told me nine months ago that a trip to the doctor's didn't have to include meltdowns (from me and the babies), lots of crying and the need for a stiff drink, I would have laughed in your face.

After nine months of being twin parents, we were on our game. We've got this. On our way out of the office we passed by a very tired looking couple with a brand new baby. I smiled at them and thought about our past visits to the doctor's and all of the missteps that we've had.

Like how I used to pack their diaper bag like I was crossing the Alps. Or the time that we were fifteen minutes late to the appointment because we totally undeestimated how long it would take to get week old twins in the car. Or the time that I put them both in complicated outfits and started sweating as the nurse watched me get them undressed. And that time that I didn't bring the pacifiers because "they won't need them!," only to have two screaming babies and a whole lobby staring at me on the way out. 

It happens. You learn as you go and figure out what works best. I'm proud of myself and where I am today as Mom. Now that the girls are getting close a year old I can feel a mommy fog lifting a bit. I've been thinking a lot about my needs and wants lately and finally feel like I'm in a place where I can go after my goals. I feel uncomfortable in my body and know that I want to be a great example for my girls. I want to be healthy and active and eat good food. I know what I need to do, I just need to do it.

Last night after the girls went to bed I felt exhausted. I cleaned up the kitchen, picked up the 90 toys in the living room, wiped down the high chair trays and threw a load of laundry in the dryer. I looked at the time and desperately wanted to crawl into bed. But I knew that I'd feel great if I worked out. I got my workout DVD cued up, went upstairs to put on my sneakers and then I did something for myself.

I pressed play.

It's time for me to take care of myself like I take care of my daughters. I'm going to be the best Mom and best me that I can be. I just have to put the work in. One day at a time.

Trip to Labor and Delivery

I think that I was getting a little cocky. 

I had my last sonogram at 34 weeks and everything looked great. Girls were measuring about 4lbs 10 oz and 5lbz 4 oz. The specialist didn't want to see me until 37 weeks (if I was still pregnant). I had a routine OB appointment a few days before I hit the 35 week mark and again, everything was great and my OB didn't want to see me again until 37 weeks. 

I couldn't believe it! I was in the home stretch and I had made it through a twin pregnancy with out any complications (knock on wood). I was still working, still feeling great and thought that I'd have no  problem making it to 37 weeks, maybe even 38.

Then I hit 35 weeks this past Wednesday. I noticed some strange discharge in the morning and called my OB. It had a pink tinge to it, which was definitely something new. They wanted to see me just to make sure everything was OK. I was anxious all day long and when I went in to my appointment they checked and I was 1 cm dilated, which they said was fine. The heart beats sounded great, BUT my blood pressure was high. They checked three times and it was high every single time. After the third time the nurse practitioner said that they were going to send me to Labor and Delivery. I couldn't believe it. She said that they needed to monitor my blood pressure to make sure that it came down. 

I called my husband from the parking lot crying. It's amazing how quickly thoughts can spiral out of control. I was so worried that they would keep me in the hospital until the babies were born or that they were going to have to do a c-section early. We met at the house and I grabbed my hospital bag. I was praying that I wouldn't need it, but I had no idea how long they were going to keep me. 

When we got to the hospital they set me up in a room and strapped up the monitors for the girls, one to monitor contractions and then they also checked my blood pressure every 15 minutes. Luckily the girls were doing well, I wasn't having contractions and my blood pressure had come down a bit. They waited for my lab work to come back and once everything came back clear, the doctor on call released me. He told me that my blood pressure was still borderline so I'd have to be on bed rest until I followed up with my doctor the next day. I was just so happy to be going home.

I slept like a rock that night and relaxed the next day until my doctor's appointment. When I got there my blood pressure was still elevated so they started me on blood pressure medication, ran more lab work and told me that I'd have to do a 24 urine test. I am waiting to hear back about the urine and see my doctor again on Monday.

The trip to L & D scared the crap out of me. It made me realize that I'm not ready for these girls to come out yet. I don't know if any first time parents ever feel ready, but I really panicked. I still feel on edge because I'm not sure how my urine test will go and I don't know what the plan will be if my blood pressure is still high on Monday. I'm hoping that the medications will work and I can cruise through another week or two before becoming a Mom. 

I have a countdown on my phone to April 2nd, which is when I will be 37 weeks (full term for twins). Every morning I look at that number and feel grateful to have made it another day. Right now I have 11 days until full term but I know that ultimately some things are out of my control. 

So for now I'm taking it one day at a time and trying to keep these chickies baking as long as I can.

33 Weeks

How far along? 34 Weeks 1 Day

How big is baby? Baby A is 5 lbs 4 oz and Baby B is 4 lbs 10 oz

Total weight gain/loss: I'm too afraid to look. 

Maternity clothes? Oh yes. Getting very bored with my wardrobe selection. 

Sleep: Is hit or miss. I am getting up to go to the bathroom 5-6 times a night. Whenever I roll over (what I refer to as my 5 point turns), I feel like I have to go to the bathroom again. Some nights I sleep like a rock between the bathroom trips, but some nights I'm up for hours because I'm so excited!

Best moment this week: Seeing the babies during the ultrasound and finding out their weights. Best moment last was was my surprise work shower!

Movement: Baby A is head down so I don't feel her quite as much. I also think that her placenta is anterior. I feel Baby B all day long. She moves a lot and gets hiccups 3 times or more day. 

Food cravings: Baked potato and pancakes. 

Food Aversions: Still eggs. I can't look at scrambled eggs.

Gender: Two baby girls! 

Labor Signs: n/a

Pregnancy Symptoms: Swollen ankles and feet. Heartburn that gets really bad at night. Feeling slow and tired.  

Belly Button in or out? Still in.

What I miss: My normal feet/ankles.

What I am looking forward to: Meeting these little chickies! I want them to bake a few more weeks but I am definitely excited to see what they look like and what their personalities are like. 

Upcoming appointments/events: My next OB appointment is 3/17. My next ultrasound, if I make it that far is 4/1.

Milestones: Making it to 34 weeks and having Baby A move head down. 

29 Weeks

How far along? 30 Weeks 0 Days

How big is baby? Both girls are 3 lbs 2 oz, according to my ultrasound yesterday.

Total weight gain/loss: I'm up about 25 lbs

Maternity clothes? Definitely. I'm getting bored of the ones that I have so I may have to buy a few more items to get me through the last few weeks.

Sleep: Is OK. My heartburn is worse at night and my restless leg syndrome is back in full force! I also. I also get up to go to the bathroom about 5 times during the night.

Best moment this week: Seeing the babies during the ultrasound. 

Movement: Crazy movement. 

Food cravings: Cherry limeade and cereal.

Food Aversions: Randomly, I bought breakfast sausages the other day and nearly gagged when I took a bite. I had to rinse out my mouth for 4 minutes. Very weird!

Gender: Two baby girls! 

Labor Signs: n/a

Pregnancy Symptoms: Restless legs right before bed, heartburn, fatigue later in the day, stuffy nose. 

Belly Button in or out? Still in but looking weird.

What I miss: Nothing.  

What I am looking forward to: Finishing the nursery!

Upcoming appointments/events: My next OB appointment is 2/17.

Milestones: Making it to the third trimester.

26 Weeks

How far along? 27 Weeks 0 Days

How big is baby? Babies are about 14 inches long.

Total weight gain/loss: Still at the same weight which is actually making me nervous!

Maternity clothes? Oh yes and loving them.

Sleep: Is pretty good. I'm still getting up frequently to pee and I have noticed that my hands get tingly if I sleep on them weird.

Best moment this week: Painting the nursery!

Movement: Very noticeable now. I feel Baby A more at night and Baby B more during the day. It's definitely the best part of pregnancy.

Food cravings: Cereal and chocolate ice cream.

Food Aversions:Poor eggs. Still don't like them.

Gender: Two baby girls! 

Labor Signs: n/a

Pregnancy Symptoms: Restless legs right before bed, tiredness in the afternoon/evening.

Belly Button in or out? Still in but I can see the "bottom."

What I miss: Nothing.  

What I am looking forward to: My shower this weekend.

Upcoming appointments/events: My next appointment is 1/27

Milestones: Painting the nursery, ordering the cribs and getting the bedding! Things are moving right along. I can't wait to start setting everything up.