Looking Back... March 2012

I love going back and reading old journal entries. I especially love when I can read something and say, this is where I was a year ago and this is where I am today. The other day I was talking to my husband about our hopeful IVF cycle this Spring/Early Summer and I said, "Can you believe that in a year we might (see what I did there... it's called virtually crossing your fingers that you aren't jinxing anything) have a baby or almost be having a baby?" It made me think about where we were a year ago.

I was still waiting for my second period to come after the ectopic pregnancy. Once I got it, we would have the green light to start trying again. I remember being so positive that I'd get pregnant that summer and be pregnant for my cousin's wedding.

Here we are a year later, still playing a waiting game, but standing on somewhat firmer ground. We have a plan. I hope that a year from now I can look back and say, "Wow, how much a year has changed."

Only time will tell...
March 7, 2012

I think that I’m falling in love with March.

Yesterday was an incredibly sunny day and by mid afternoon the living room was like an oven. I opened up the front door, sat on the steps with my gardening book and listened to “Sitting on the dock of the bay” through the open window. The ground was still covered in snow but the sun's rays were slowly melting everything. The world was literally thawing out to make way for Spring.

After Lenny came home from work we went to Home Depot to get some supplies for the basement. As soon as we walked in I saw the patio furniture on display and immediately knew that the gardening department would be open. We excitedly made our way to the back where they keep the gardening items and I nearly danced in excitement. I looked at all of the bulbs and the hundreds of seed packets lined up neatly in rows. It was overwhelming. I wanted to reach out my arms and hug the entire display. All of those seeds waiting to be planted. Hundreds of packets of possibilities.

We walked around the store dreaming out loud. It's one of the reasons that I love going to home improvement stores. We both get lost in our lives together and dream up all of the things that we want to do. This shelf would look great in a kid's room, these lights would look amazing on our patio, that paint color would be great in the basement. These things are just that-- THINGS, but they represent so much more. We share visions of bedtime stories with our kids, late night barbecues on Summer nights and family hanging out in the basement with a fire roaring. We stroll up and down the aisles making future memories. It hit me so hard yesterday as we were standing in the aisle together, this moment was perfect. Me and him, together, dreaming about our future, the world slowly thawing out outside. Everything was right because I have him and he has me. I squeezed his arm to say, “I love you. I love us.”

As we were driving home the sun was setting, melting the sky into a puddle of peach and orange. I love how every month has different colored sunsets. I've noticed in the last week that March has orange colored sunsets. So yes, I think that I'm definitely falling in love with March.

This is the month of possibility-- a month of potential.

"The March wind roars
Like a lion in the sky,
And makes us shiver
As he passes by.
When winds are soft,
And the days are warm and clear,
Just like a gentle lamb,
Then spring is here."
-  Author Unknown