FET #1 Cycle Day I Can't Even Keep Track Anymore

I am so excited that I might explode. Only two more days and it's transfer day! I don't know why, but this time around feels different. I don't know if it's because I thought that this cycle was going to be cancelled, or if it's just the less stress that comes with a FET cycle, but I'm feeling really good.

I also think that since we haven't told anyone about this cycle, my excitement is out of control. Sometimes I get the urge to just tell someone, anyone, including the woman next to me at the check out line at the super market or the telemarketer that calls the house. I haven't actually blurted this news out to anyone yet, but the thought has been there.

It's just a miracle to think that in a little over 48 hours, my future child(ren) may become a reality. It's an overwhelming feeling really and it's the sort of feeling that I like to linger in like a cozy blanket. I'm so grateful that we are even at this point. Grateful that my body produced 14 follicles a few months ago, grateful that 13 of them were mature, grateful that we ended up with six embryos, grateful that we were able to freeze five, grateful that I live in a state that requires infertility coverage, grateful for my supportive husband, grateful that I'm alive, grateful that I live 25 minutes from a clinic and doctor that I love, grateful that the estrogen injections worked and allowed me to continue this cycle.  So full of gratitude for everything that brought us to this point.

Infertility is hard, and hard in ways that you can't even anticipate. On some days I don't think about it much and then on other days the pain bubbles up to the surface. Strange things can trigger sadness or anger or bitterness, and it's difficult to predict those emotions. Then there are the times when I'm thankful for having to take this road. It has made my relationship with my husband stronger, it's made me stronger and I know that one day when I am holding our baby in our arms, that moment will be sweeter than anything that I have ever dreamed of.

I am going to enjoy the next couple of days, relishing in the fact that come Monday morning, I will be a little closer to making my dreams come true.